What is love?
A good question, though an unfair one. I think we come across a rather large problem when asked to define the word ‘love.’ It’s not that love is huge and incomprehensible; it seems that way merely because there are so many different definitions or ideas that people use the word ‘love’ to represent. Different words are used differently. I can say ‘my father died a year ago.’ And I can say ‘I totally died last night when John said that.’ Obviously there are two different meanings of the word ‘die’ in use here. Simply put, words are ambiguous. They have different definitions and uses and those definitions and uses overlap and are closely related. Love happens to be a word with such a wide array of connected meanings that it seems an overwhelming concept.
I am not a fan of the way people throw around the idea that there are four different types of love. First of all, I think most of them have not actually read CS Lewis’s work. And so they should not be quoting him as a source. Quit quoting things you haven’t even read for heaven’s sake people. I think love is a very wholistic thing. I myself have not read the four loves, so I can’t say whether I’m agreeing with CS Lewis or not, but I get the feeling from the bits I have read that I do agree with what he says in his book. But that’s beside the point. The point: love is wholistic, and while there are perhaps different aspects to it, it is not divided into nice neat little different ‘types’ of love. It’s childish (in a bad way, not a good way) to think that such a thing could be neatly divided into four different categories, and those categories would be distinct from one another.
Affection, I think, is inseparable from love. There must be affection present in any true form of love. Otherwise it’s someone trying to convince themself that they are loving someone when they aren’t. One definition that I hear thrown around is this one of ‘love is a choice. It’s not a feeling.’ I disagree. Certainly I think that love is a choice, but love is inseparable from emotional affection. If I try to act nicely to someone because I feel religiously obligated to love them and I can’t stand their presence… well, that’s just not love. You can’t hate someone’s guts and love them at the same time. It just isn’t possible. Something I have to tell myself all the time: don’t go trying to justify hating people by trying to convince yourself that you love them in action. Love comes from the heart. And I think that’s somethin really important to realize.
Because if you don’t realize that love comes from the heart, you’re trying to put a bandaid over a festering wound. Deal with the heart and the actions come from there. Of course, I don’t deny that in some sense actions form the heart, but I don’t think that’s a legitimate sidetrack to go down.
So, affection a part of love. Love flows from the heart, it flows from *who you are*. Love is not a one time action or choice. Any enemy of mine can do the same action that someone who loves me does out of hatred.
I think that there are many practical outflowings from love, but I think at it’s very heart, it is seeing the truth about people. It’s seeing them for what they are, and seeing the value in what they are. To love people is to see them through God’s eyes, because God see’s the inherent worth of all men. To love God is to see God’s inherent worth, it is to see him for who he is: God. This is why I think that affection is inseparable from love. Because God *affectionately* loves all men. Love, then, is merely action and emotional response in accordance with truth. And that’s what I think love is.
{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }
Meh.
bravo.
*teh claps*
Good grief. My writing is terrible. Really, when I go back over things my writing is much better. I guess I need to start doing that with my blog posts. Oof.
So….how does one love one’s enemies? With affection?
Meh
ahh Little sister…..good question.
Did you delete my comment?
Caleb: No, it got put into the spam folder.
Darian: The same way God does. By seeing the truth about them.
As I was one of the people to write that “Love is a choice” I can’t help but respond! I agree that empty actions can not be equated with love – and that, yes, one could “act” in a loving way by doing a “right” or “good” thing, like helping someone, without having any love in her heart. But that is not what I mean when I say that Love is a choice. It may be what other people mean, but it is not what I mean. I guess that my foundational point would be that none of us come by God-like love naturally (and when I speak of love here , I am speaking of God-like, selfless, sacrificial love – Jesus) – we need Him to equip us to love well. We have to choose Him and then choose to love like Him – which only comes by dying to self and allowing Him to put his love in our hearts. But we always have a choice: to love or not to love. All of the other “loves” that we experience “naturally” are often tainted by selfishness and self-preservation. As a mother, I would say that a parent’s love for a child is the closest thing that comes to pure, Godly love in humans. Parents would do just about anything for their children (sometimes to a fault)…but even that can be, and probably always is, in some way, tainted by their self-centeredness. I know that I am unable to love my children selflessly 100% of the time. I have to choose selfless love – sometimes out of affection, sometimes out of desire, sometimes out of obedience. I would even venture to say that sacrificing one’s self and desires for another out of obedience to God is a form of love, even if in my heart I am wrestling with it. That is sacrifice, however small it may be. Yes, I must have love (Jesus) in my heart, but I can assure you that I do not always “feel” loving, even to those very people whom I love the most…my husband, children, parents….it is in those moments especially, that I must choose Love…I must choose Jesus, over everything else…and act in love even when I feel quite the opposite.
I didn’t know you had a blog Mrs. Perrault. lol, well, I don’t know how I would have, but now I do. It’s now added to my google reader
Thanks for the comment! My above post was not at all cohesive or well written. I appreciate your response, and I think this whole love thing deserves another post on my part, seeing as how it’s such a big part of our faith as Christians. And I think people have raised many a good question which deserves response (that’s directed at everyone else who’s commented or said something to me in person too).