Sometimes, life can be hard. Sometimes, nights can be dark. Sometimes days can be hazy and confusing. Sometimes people get hurt, and sometimes you get hurt. There is a lot of pain in our world, and there is a lot of selfishness. I think I realize every day just how human I am, and just how self-righteous I am, and just how much I think I know about things I know nothing about. I’ve begun to understand that I truly am naive to the point where I’m able to admit it to myself and everyone else. You know, I’m really not that great of a person, I’m really not that spiritual of a person. Yeah, sure, sometimes people think that. Sometimes they say that. Whatever. I am what I am.
And you know what I hate? When people are all self-righteous about their humility. I hate it when people are all like "Oh I’m the worst of sinners" and "Oh God is so merciful to save such a wretch as me who has sinned so much" and they don’t believe the words they’re saying. When they’re thinking in their head "Yeah… but God sure has changed me… I sure wish he would change all the other people around me like he’s changed me… man… the world would be such a better place if it was full of a bunch of me’s…" And they make themselves a martyr in every situation they possibly can… where everyone else is wronging them and they’re *ever* so *righteously* accepting all this ‘persecution’ with the greatest grace. Disgusting.
I’m obviously speaking from experience. God (and everyone who knows me) knows I’ve done that too often. Arrogance is the most vile of sins I think.
There is something liberating about recognizing the truth, though. There is something comforting in humility; that is, seeing the truth. There’s no quiet solace in feigned humility, there’s only firey pride that riles up strife and division and argument and backbiting. When a proud man faces death, he is false martyr who is dying for his own great righteousness, who is being a wonderful example of a servant of God. When a meek man faces death, he is a sinner who is recieving pardon for his sins. But the proud man does not think he is a false martyr dying for his own righteousness, he proclaims for everyone to hear the words which are deeply rooted in the meek man’s heart, the words which are so real to the meek man that he has no need of proclomation.
Pride gives a man no rest, it is always bashing him over the head for the sinner he is, it is always driving him onwards along the path of righteousness, it is always comparing with everyone else and trying to match up to the standards. Pride is restless, goading, grasping. It is the very thing Jesus came to conquer, and yet the thing that holds in bondage innumerable servants of Christ. Jesus also came to conquer fear, which grows like a weed in the hearts of the servants of Christ.
Humility is quiet. It does not feel good, it does not make one joyful, neither does it make one happy. Perhaps sometimes these are by-products of humility, sometimes contentment, joy, peace, happiness are granted on occasion. But humility is not about feeling happy or peaceful, and these are not even necessarily absolute products of true humility. There is pain in this world, there is death in this world, there is hurt in this world. And yet humility will silently draw one towards God, the humble man will slowly hold up the good in everyone and accept with grace their sin. He will harshly judge the sin in himself and belittle his own good qualities.
Humility is a paradox, though. It is not self abuse, for that is pride. But the humble man will harshly judge and chastise himself, and will never shy away from self-condemnation. Neither is humility peaceful and joyful, for it can be quite dark. And yet at times it *is* lighted by spiritual peace and joy.
And humility, I have truly come to believe, is not something that can be ‘practiced’ or something that can be ‘acquired’ by much hard work and devotion to God. It cannot be earned, it cannot be somehow hammered into one’s character. All human efforts to be humble ends in pride, fire, and downfall. No. Simply believe upon the Lord Jesus Christ. That is grace. That is God. That is life eternal. Amen.