On Dispositions and Temperaments

My last post, I realize, was a little dark and down-looking. My father very gently informed me that it sounds depressed and very presumptuous as well (i.e. arrogant).

So I thought about it. I think perhaps I gave the impression that everything in the world is evil or is going to become evil to the point where there is no good in this world. I pretty much did say litterally that everything is evil or going to go bad. I do suppose that implies that there is nothing good, by a deductive step of logic. If everything is bad, it naturally follows nothing can be good. A valid point, and I apologize for being so dark. I don’t really think I can apologize for what I said, because I do believe it. But I certainly don’t believe the world is evil to the exclusion of all good, far from it.

SIDENOTE:

(I would also like to note that everything on my blog is opinion. It is what *I*, Caleb Hayashida, thinks, feels, or believes. Many time emotions are mixed into specific posts. I don’t claim to infallible, in fact, I don’t even claim to be right or correct about anything anymore. If I was you, the reader, reading my blog, I would give very little weight to the things I say. I’m just one little insignificant youth who has little experience or wisdom to give to anyone. Please know that even if my posts do sound like I’m stating objective absolute truth, I recognize the fact that it’s subjective relative truth. So don’t think I mean to impose any of my feelings upon you. You can take what I say or leave it, and even then, don’t think I believe myself to ever be absolutely necessarily right.)

Neither, even, do I believe that there is nothing in this world that is pure and good and undefiled. I must cling to the idea that there are men and women who are good, pure, noble, undefiled, strong, and I do believe that. There have been many men in the world who have done great things of great significance and good for those around them and even for many after them. I believe that God will reconcile this world, that he is right now in the process of cleansing the world and sanctifying his growing Church. I think that the Church has had a huge impact upon the world in a beneficial and uplifting way, I think it has influenced cultures and has reformed society unmeasurably since it’s birth on Pentacost.

I think that a Christian should be characterized by quiet peace, by subtle joy, by being a light and a beacon to those around him. I believe he should love all men and love God, that he should be content and satisfied and trusting absolutely in God and his sovereignty. I do not think by any means that a Christian should be characterized as dark and depressed, melancholy and pessimistic. Christianity is completely about optimism.

That said, I don’t think God makes all men with the same temperament. I am definitely someone who tends to be melancholic and dark. I don’t like to think I’m particularly pessimistic anymore… I certainly used to be, but I think I have come to see life through a much brighter lens. It is not a good thing to be suicidal, I don’t think, because I don’t think that’s glorifying to God. I don’t want to condemn people who are suicidal though, they *certainly* have their reasons, I recognize that. But I think perhaps sometimes room is not allowed people for their personality type.

I have, many times in the past, been accused of being overly depressing (or depressed), pessimistic, and melancholy. Such are not glorifying to God, I have got the impression. Christians should be characterized by the above positive things I mentioned. I think that especially in the past, I have been guilty of those negative things to a fault. Like I said, I don’t believe a Christian should be overly negative. In light of this, I have made an effort of late to be more positive, optimistic, light. And I think I have succeeded. But God has given me a temperament that is dark and melancholy. That’s where I’m comfortable as a person, it is what is natural to me.

Let us get this fact straight. What is natural in a person is by no means good or what God desires. Just because I naturally have this temperament does not necessarily make it good. In fact, I think I have abused it. But I think that God can also sanctify things like our temperaments. I think he has done that to a great extent for me, as well. Sure, perhaps the boundaries are sometimes blurred as to how far dark or melancholy is proper, I realize that. And I overstep that boundary on occasion. But by and large, I think that though my mood is generally dark and melancholy, it is of the sanctified type. I still believe I am to be a light to those around me, that I am to love those around me, that I am to love God and to serve him. I believe that in the end everything turns out right on that last day of judgement. I believe in the positive, please realize that. But if the music I write and listen to is darker, if my mood is many times melancholy, if my writing is sometimes fringed in clouds, please give me a little grace. Perhaps such things are not wrong in themselves. The same principle I require of myself of course… for those who are bubbly and joyous and very upbeat and bright all the time, I realize that such is not necessarily a bad thing. There is such a thing as trivialness or frivolity, of course, just as there is such a thing as depression or bitter anger. But the temperament in itself is not bad.

Don’t think I’m getting all individualistic here. If you’ve read any of my blog at all you know I’m one of the most anti-individualistic people you’re bound to ever meet. I’m not glorifying the individual or defending his rights: I am merely asking people to perhaps try and be gracious and open minded towards others. It is closed-mindedness that is one of the major shortcomings of our culture, especially our Christian culture, and it is an issue well worth thinking over.