Leaving Home

A sadness swells up in my heart as I lie here on the little balcony overlooking the kitchen in our house on 617 Russell Ave Suffield CT, the last night we can call this ‘our’ house. There are so many memories in this building and on these grounds. I stood over the embers of our last bonfire here not long ago, alone, watching the dark silhouette of the fields out back glitter with fireflies. The house is strangely echoey and empty, hollow in a physical sense but solid in an overflow of substance. It is beautifully stained with prayer, ripe with the fragrance of past laughter, filled with the remnants of meaningful conversation, sweet with the aftertaste of love lived out: joy and peace have sunken into the bones of this place.

It occurs to me now that I have never found the name of this place before. Strange that only in leaving would I wonder what its name is. I suppose that this place is truly deserving of the title ‘home.’ There will be other places that will earn the title home, but I think that this is the first to truly fill the role and earn the title, and because of that it will always hold a special place in my heart.

It is sad to leave a space that has become so full — I will miss dearly this house and land I call home. It seems unnatural and awkward to say goodbye to a place that has been so invested in with love and toil, and my heart stings at the goodbye I say tonight, as the rain falls softly outside. I will miss the quiet and solace of this place, and it is hard to think about such a drastic parting. I will miss the sparkling firefly fields of summer, the silent coldly beautiful snow covered fields, the vibrant flame filled treeline of fall, the earthy corn and tobacco fields of spring.

I look forward with great expectation and anticipation to investing in a new home, to moving into the city, to flooding my life with relationships new and old, to eating good food, and lounging on the porch at night with a whiskey and a cigarette. But tonight is a night of parting, of sadness, of emotion, of mourning, of farewell. I am so glad to have made this place my home, and so sad to have to leave it. May God bless this house and this land, and fill it in time with even more wonderful things. Goodnight, sweet, sweet home. Goodbye.

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