If you have not had access to formal music training,
- describe what challenges you faced in developing your musicianship,
- how you overcame those challenges, and
- how that experience might contribute to your success as a student at Berklee.

I’ve heard un-trained musicians talk about how magical and wonderful playing music is, but when it comes down to it they don’t put in the routine practice that is so necessary for good music. Scales, exercises, sight-reading, theory: learning these things is the greatest challenge I’ve faced coming from a background without formal training. I haven’t had a teacher to make me work, so I’ve taught myself to commit to a regular routine. When I taught myself to play piano and read music freshman year in highschool, I sat for hours at a time figuring out The Entertainer by Scott Joplin. I would listen to it over and over again, study a book about reading music, and stumble along to the sheet music. It was not something that came easily, but I put in the hours until I could play. The same year I moved to several Mozart pieces and my crowning classical achievement: memorizing Beethoven’s 1st movement of Pathetique and performing it at a talent show. I’ve had to search out my own exercises and create my own practice schedule. Pushing through this major challenge I have developed the ability to self-motivate and an understanding of the value of regular practice.

Being homeschooled, I never had the opportunity to play in school bands or ensembles, so I had to make music by myself. Desiring to play with other musicians, I joined a fife and drum corps. I became lead fifer and gained a lot of experience performing in front of large crowds. My musical horizons began to expand and I began composing songs for a four or five man band. But in not having access to people who could play my compositions, I took to recording them in garageband. I taught myself to play the various instruments I needed and used my dad’s macbook to turn myself into a one-man-band.

Money. A roadblock that nearly all musicians face, myself no exception. Instruments are expensive. Software is expensive. Recording gear is expensive. Private training is expensive. And most musicians aren’t rock stars raking in cash. During my senior year, I scraped together enough money to upgrade from garageband to Pro-Tools and from an SM58 to a Rhode NTK condensor. That summer I was working full time, but took one week off to record and mix my first album. I hardly slept, didn’t shower, and ended up ten pounds lighter because I was so engrossed in the project. I learned that summer to make do with what I have. You don’t need thousands upon thousands of dollars to write some good songs and produce an album that will touch a few lives.

My experience in playing classical piano pieces, being lead fifer in a fife and drum corps, playing rock and blues guitar, and singing pop covers has given my compositions a wide variety of influences. I feel like Berklee would be the perfect place for me to expand my range of influences and devote myself entirely to practice and study. I offer Berklee a disciplined student devoted to music and a mind that desires to contribute something to the great historical dialogue we call music.

Don’t be afraid of not knowing something. As I grow older, I have come to realize something. That is this; I don’t know everything. Neither have I thought about everything. Logical conclusion: I don’t necessarily have an answer to certain questions. I’ve learned another thing: Honesty is always best. Being open and transparent about who and what you are, your faults and failures as well as your talents and skills. Don’t hide anything, and don’t say anything you’re not comfortable with other people hearing. It’s just good policy.

In order to be honest, you have to know yourself. In order to know yourself, you have to spend time alone in silence. I heard someone say recently that being a monk/hermit is running away from society and is the ‘easy way’. I submit to you, as someone who most likely has been completely isolated from all human contact for longer than you have ever been, that it is not an easy thing to live with yourself. If you ever try being alone for any prolonged period of time (at least two days), you will realize that it is a very hard thing to face yourself.

I realized today, while staring into a fire I made outside in the firepit, that I am my greatest enemy. Being completely honest with myself about myself is a hard thing to do. To sit down and think about all that I am, all the things I have done, where I am now, my deficiencies and shortcomings, my lingering sins and black spots. I don’t know myself very truly or well yet. I’m getting there.

But know this: everything starts with you. If you can be honest with yourself about yourself, you have taken the first step towards wisdom. The harder part is accepting who you are. If you can accept who you are (not a distorted picture of who you are but who you truly are), you can accept anyone. If you know yourself truly and are able to accept who and what you are truly, you will be able to accept all men. The two go hand in hand: you will know when you know yourself when you can love and accept all men, and when you love and accept all men you will know that you know yourself. (And don’t make the foolish assertion that love can be unaffectionate).

Know yourself. Never be afraid or ashamed to say ‘Well. I never thought about that before.’ Never be afraid to ask ‘What does that word mean?’ Never be ashamed of what you don’t know. Know that you are beautiful in your own right in your being, for you are made in the image of God. Know that you’re also probably to some degree messed up. Know yourself, and you can begin to know God. For when you know yourself truly, you come to see the beauty in this mess we call reality. And when you are in tune with reality, you will come slowly to know God. Therefore, know thyself.

As I have put together this essay, I have realized my complete insufficiency for the task at hand, but I hope that God can speak through me a little bit of truth despite that. I do not fully understand the things I speak of, but God has given me experiential knowledge that I wish to communicate, though my skills of communication are insufficient. I present some hard concepts in very compact form, so try to bear with me.

I want to ask four questions, and attempt to at least give some semblance of an answer to them. 1) What is the gospel? 2) What is the law? 3) What is sin? 4) What is salvation? After a brief discussion of each of these four topics and an attempt at a definition of each of them, I will try and tie them together and give a few thoughts on how I think they relate to each other and interlock. So, here we go.

What is the gospel?

Despite many differences in the way people present the gospel from tradition to tradition or person to person, all of its various presentations revolve around the cross. I think that God was wise in picking such a symbol for his gospel: merely two intersecting wooden beams. And yet these two beams of wood are the most meaningful symbol that ever was and will be. They are amazingly simple, but symbolize such depth and meaning. However we see the gospel, it must revolve around the cross. And what does this symbol stand for but God’s love? That Jesus Christ, the very son of God, the divine human, the god-man, would humble himself so much as to become a *human*. That he would die humiliated and naked on a cross when he was completely blameless and Lord of all creation: such is the meaning of the gospel and such is the meaning of the cross. God’s love. The cross is an symbol of God’s love for the cosmos, and the very heart and center of the gospel in any form of its presentation is that cross. The cross transcends theology and theories of atonement and all human explanation. It is a mystery. It is God’s undeniable and ultimately powerful “I love you” to the cosmos.

What is the law?

When Paul, John, the author of Hebrews, James, Peter; in short all the authors of the New Testament speak of ‘the law,’ they are referring to the Mosaic law. We do not mean here just the outward forms and rituals of Jewish ceremony, but also ‘moral law.’ The code of rules set forth by God dictating what is right and wrong, what is moral and immoral. For our purposes, we define the law as such. Rules and regulations about what is right and wrong. Righteousness by the law is conformity to its rules and regulations.

What is sin?

Sin is simply the transgression of the law. It is the breaking of a rule, it is doing something immoral, it is falling short of one of the commandments. We must be careful not to over-extend the definition of this word. Sin — despite its many harmful and negative consequences — in itself is strictly the transgression of the Mosaic law. We can talk about the effects of sin, but for our purposes, we want to make a clear distinction between the act of sin and its consequences. Sin is a snapshot in time, the breaking of a rule.

What is salvation?

Salvation is redemption. Salvation is life. Salvation is to be freed from the power of sin. Salvation is to be baptized and to be identified with the Church; it is to die to fallen humanity in Adam and rise again and partake in redeemed humanity in Christ. I do not speak metaphorically of the Church, redeemed humanity, fallen humanity. These are not nominalist forms and unreal mental concepts but actual metaphysical entities. Salvation is to partake of the divine nature, to live up to our status as sons of God. Salvation is to cease committing sin, for whosoever is born of God doth not commit sin, because his seed remains in us, and we cannot sin, because we are born of God (1 John). Salvation is to be free from all things, but to be free first and foremost to love and to forgive unconditionally. With the hope of our glorification and deification always before us, it is to enjoy eternal life and to enjoy it to its fullest potential, right here, right now. It is to fall before the cross and experience the mystery of the undeniable and ultimately powerful love of God.

So now we raise a very important question. What does the cross have to do with salvation?

The cross is the fulfillment of the law. He that loves fulfills the law, for the law is summed up in the single command to love thy neighbor as thyself. Love is the fulfillment of the law: the living and beating heart of the law, that which animates and breathes life into it. The cross, the ultimate allegory of love, is the fulfillment of the law. It brought to light what the shell of the forms encased: a spiritual thing. And when Christ died, the law died with him. Sin — wrong action — was crucified and buried with Christ.

There is no condemnation for those in Christ who walk in faith and love, according to Paul. To John we cannot sin, because we are dead to the law. The metaphysical ideal of sin-ness we are no longer identified with, because on the cross Christ took away our sins. No longer do we work works according to the standard of moral law, but according to the law of love. With the law died sin, because sin comes by the law, as Paul says in Romans. But we are dead to the law, and if we are dead to the law we are dead to sin, because sin comes through the law. And we know, John says, that Christ was manifested to take away our sins. Think about that without your normal theological framework for a second. Try to step outside of your interpretive framework. Christ died to take away the existence of our sins. No ‘if’s,’ ‘and’s,’ or ‘but’s’ about it. Period. Sin = non-existent.

I am here proposing a paradigm shift in how we see sin. If Christ destroyed our identification with sin and our bondage to the law, we are free indeed. The question of ‘is this action sin or not’ should not occur to a child of God, because one who is born of God cannot sin, because he is dead to sin and no longer identified with sin-ness. To ask such a question betrays a wrong mindset. We ought to be striving to lay hold of salvation, not trying to get away with ‘gray’ things, walking fine lines, and getting as close to sin as we can without sinning. As brethren of Christ, we have been made free so that we might take hold of eternal life and begin living it right here, right now. On this earth. In this body. We do not look at things in terms of moral law, but we look at things in terms of being truly human. You need to realize that you do not commit sin as a Christian, because sin is dead. It doesn’t exist to you, because you are not under the law.

What makes us human as oppose to animal is our self government, reason, and capacity to love. The measure in which a man exercises and possesses these things is the measure of his ‘humanity.’ The more a man loves, governs himself, and exercises his mind (reasons), the more he partakes in redeemed and glorified human nature. So the child of God seeks to strain towards salvation, as I have defined it above. He may still sin, at least according to the moral law, in his actions. But he is moving and striving to partake in salvation and life abundantly and he is no longer under the rule of the law because he died to the law through baptism. It is not legitimate to hold him to the law or to say that he ever sins if he walks according to the new covenant of faith and love, because sin simply doesn’t apply to him in the new covenant. Christ was manifested to take away our sins. He died so that we Don’t have to beat ourselves up over sin when we walk in love.

An action either fosters a person’s humanity and salvation, or else it smothers them. All sin as we know it from the law smothers and detracts from a person’s humanity and salvation. It makes them less human and more animal. For example, lying, the more one does such a sin, the more it hardens his soul, or detracts from his humanity. When one begins to lie, he is arrogantly creating a false world in his mind, and the more one lies, the more real this false world becomes to him, until finally he is swallowed up in a fantasy. Lying has a dehumanizing affect. The person who lusts or does pornography is hardened more and more and begins to view all people as sex objects, until he is swallowed up in a mental world of sex. All sin works this way: avarice, gluttony, pride, wrath, envy. Even things we generally label morally neutral, like entertainment, have an affect on the soul that is either positive or negative.

The reason I bring this up is to illustrate a point about sin. Because God has revealed his salvation to us — his plan of redemption and glorification for humans — we concern ourselves with grasping that salvation. Being a Christian is not hard in that he who is born of God finds Jesus’ new commandments of love not difficult, as John says. It’s not about depriving yourself of things, it’s about seeking good things. Some people ask ‘is watching a tv a sin?’ Or perhaps they say ‘well, watching tv isn’t a sin… so it’s not wrong for me to watch it…’ But that’s missing the point. The gospel isn’t about depriving ourselves or being righteous by not doing ‘sinful’ things. Neither is it about accepting Jesus’ sacrifice so that when we die we get to go to heaven. It’s about becoming more human and more divine and not going down the path of dehumanization. That’s why I’m harping on sin, because in the law, the point is to not break rules. According to the gospel, the point is to be saved, as I have defined it above. The saved man sees watching tv in light of his partaking of salvation and his striving to become more fully human. If it inhibits him or is not a good and holy part of living as a redeemed human, then it is unpleasant to him. If it does not move him forwards towards God and salvation, it does not interest him.

So. In summary. The gospel is God’s love for the cosmos symbolized by the simple cross. The cross was the death of sin imputed by the law and the beginning of the law of freedom and love. The point: being saved means living life and living it fully and abundantly. Salvation is equivalent to our glorification. Don’t let sin bring you into bondage, because it doesn’t apply to you anymore. It died on the cross with Jesus so that you might be a child of God and keep Jesus’ new commandments: those of the spirit and love.

A little learning is a dangerous thing;
drink deep, or taste not the Pierian spring:
there shallow draughts intoxicate the brain,
and drinking largely sobers us again.

~Alexander Pope

God = Love = Truth = Objective Reality = pure being (i.e. “I am”). It works out.

What is love?

A good question, though an unfair one. I think we come across a rather large problem when asked to define the word ‘love.’ It’s not that love is huge and incomprehensible; it seems that way merely because there are so many different definitions or ideas that people use the word ‘love’ to represent. Different words are used differently. I can say ‘my father died a year ago.’ And I can say ‘I totally died last night when John said that.’ Obviously there are two different meanings of the word ‘die’ in use here. Simply put, words are ambiguous. They have different definitions and uses and those definitions and uses overlap and are closely related. Love happens to be a word with such a wide array of connected meanings that it seems an overwhelming concept.

I am not a fan of the way people throw around the idea that there are four different types of love. First of all, I think most of them have not actually read CS Lewis’s work. And so they should not be quoting him as a source. Quit quoting things you haven’t even read for heaven’s sake people. I think love is a very wholistic thing. I myself have not read the four loves, so I can’t say whether I’m agreeing with CS Lewis or not, but I get the feeling from the bits I have read that I do agree with what he says in his book. But that’s beside the point. The point: love is wholistic, and while there are perhaps different aspects to it, it is not divided into nice neat little different ‘types’ of love. It’s childish (in a bad way, not a good way) to think that such a thing could be neatly divided into four different categories, and those categories would be distinct from one another.

Affection, I think, is inseparable from love. There must be affection present in any true form of love. Otherwise it’s someone trying to convince themself that they are loving someone when they aren’t. One definition that I hear thrown around is this one of ‘love is a choice. It’s not a feeling.’ I disagree. Certainly I think that love is a choice, but love is inseparable from emotional affection. If I try to act nicely to someone because I feel religiously obligated to love them and I can’t stand their presence… well, that’s just not love. You can’t hate someone’s guts and love them at the same time. It just isn’t possible. Something I have to tell myself all the time: don’t go trying to justify hating people by trying to convince yourself that you love them in action. Love comes from the heart. And I think that’s somethin really important to realize.

Because if you don’t realize that love comes from the heart, you’re trying to put a bandaid over a festering wound. Deal with the heart and the actions come from there. Of course, I don’t deny that in some sense actions form the heart, but I don’t think that’s a legitimate sidetrack to go down.

So, affection a part of love. Love flows from the heart, it flows from *who you are*. Love is not a one time action or choice. Any enemy of mine can do the same action that someone who loves me does out of hatred.

I think that there are many practical outflowings from love, but I think at it’s very heart, it is seeing the truth about people. It’s seeing them for what they are, and seeing the value in what they are. To love people is to see them through God’s eyes, because God see’s the inherent worth of all men. To love God is to see God’s inherent worth, it is to see him for who he is: God. This is why I think that affection is inseparable from love. Because God *affectionately* loves all men. Love, then, is merely action and emotional response in accordance with truth. And that’s what I think love is.

Live like a child, my son, free from care and worry;
To a child life is but a pageant: a wondrous play.
Hold never a grudge in thy heart, neither malice in thy mind,
But live and lavish the love that has been loosed upon thee.
Work will all thy might at the tasks before thee,
And take never thy eyes from the cross.
Put others always before thyself,
And keep thy hands clean and thy heart pure.
Live, my son, as a child…
And never take yourself too seriously.

As I understand it, the question is, what does one need to know in order to be an intelligent and well-cultured individual in this day and age? I don’t think this question deals with Christianity or spirituality directly in the sense of becoming a transformed individual. As a Christian, then, the first question to me is, should we seek to be intellectuals in the first place? Does such a thing have any importance or significance in the kingdom of God?

We agree that intellectual pursuit — the formation of the mind — has an important place, to some degree, in our practical Christianity. When we broaden our minds, our ability to interact, relate, sympathize, and empathize with people broadens as well. With increasing ability to relate and interact with people, our range of potential influence broadens, and with our range of influence our potential to impact and lead those around us widens. We are all leaders on different levels, and we could all stand to open our minds in some areas. I think that the pursuit of truth in all its multiplicity will lead us to an understanding of its simplicity and inter-connected-ness. The most important pursuit of an intellectual and incidentally a Christian, is the pursuit of truth. This is why the most important discipline for an intellectual of *any* age is philosophy. Love of wisdom and truth. Everything area of study is rooted here. The basis upon which all other studies are founded upon and the way that they are connected is philosophy. Thus, philosophy is the foremost study of the intellectual.

As Christians, I think that the first subset of philosophy that we need to study is theology. Obviously our theology plays an essential role in interpreting everything else – and we could even say it is our foundation for philosophy in some sense. Regardless of which one we say comes first, these two disciplines for us as Christians are intricately and inextricably connected. It would be an interesting discussion to have though… which discipline comes from which discipline. But theology and philosophy are the foundations of every other study.

If the first tier of studies is Philosophy and Theology, the second tier of studies I would see to be Music, Poetry, Art, Literature, and History. These areas of thought or studies–whatever you want to call them–have existed pretty universally across all cultures throughout all of history. Music is human-structured sound. Poetry is human-structured language. Art is human-structured matter. Literature is human-structured lifeflow (stories). History is the record of what has come before us. I feel like studying all of these things as they manifested themselves throughout history and across cultures is important. Again, studying multiplicity in order to find the simplicity of truth. These things I think are pretty much universal throughout history, and this is why I think they’re the next most important set of studies after Theology and Philosophy.

Now comes the third and last tier of studies. These are all important, certainly, but they are much more specific to our day and age and our present culture. Thus, in the grand scheme of things, I think they have less value, but this is why when we asked the initial question we specified ‘of the 21st century.’ To be a well rounded intellectual in our age, I think an understanding of the following sciences and disciplines is necessary. Psychology and Sociology – the science of the human mind and human society. This gives us insight into the way people act and helps us to better remedy their problems, or at least to understand them. Computers – the science of data and how to use technology and to be able to use current technology well. This is important because computers run most of current technology, and a good portion of our lives as well. They are powerful tools that we ought to understand. Current events – the political atmosphere and state of things. This is certainly a necessary area for a well-rounded intellectual to be familiar with. I think it’s also necessary for an intellectual to be familiar with the popular art and entertainment industry – Movies, TV shows, Music, Internet culture.

All of creation, the trees, the people, the beasts of the field, is God’s. Not a sparrow shall fall to the ground without his knowledge.

Our Father has founded the seas and has laid the vast beds of rock that contain all the waters therein.

Who shall become a citizen in the kingdom of God? Who shall ascend unto the holy city, the New Jerusalem, and who shall partake in new life? Who shall partake of redeemed humanity and the body of Christ?

The man that has clean hands and a pure heart. He who loves, who keeps his soul from evil, who carries out the commandments of our Lord; this man shall be blessed and shall drink from the living water. He who carries out his word and is honest, and he who doesn’t do pointless and vain things without purpose. Who always lifts his heart and mind to God.

This man shall receive the blessings of citizenship of the New Jerusalem: the Church. He shall experience resurrection life and a transformed mind, free from the bondage of sin unto the life of righteousness. God shall save this man who is saved.

Sometimes I become tired. Sometimes life seems hopeless, but most of all, sometimes I seem hopeless. I fall short of what I should be, of what I could easily be if I could merely muster the resolve. There is so much I ought to do. If I could just change, if I could just be struck with lightening from God and become perfect.

And yet, somehow, I find myself lacking. It is a rather depressing thing. And at the moment, I’m tired and looking at life rather blankly, if not bleakly. I find within myself a battle always raging, a war going on. I have not the peace of God within my heart, nor his light in my eyes. And that makes me sad, especially when I interact with people who do have such things. I wish I could be better. I wish I could just win the war and unify my spirit, my body: my soul.

I have a lot of emotions from a pretty wide spread of things tearing my heart and mind in different directions. Lots of little things and a few big things weigh now on my heart. And I really do feel inadequate. I feel inadequate for this thing called life. And then even the fact that I’m being rather emotional at the moment makes me even more sad. Tis a hard thing.

Of course, I can’t say that I haven’t grown and that I’m not growing. I haven’t lost my hope. But I don’t feel the joy. I don’t feel the peace. I can see them, and I do experience them now and again, but not continually. I think perhaps I’m slowly getting there. Very slowly. I really hope so. I know many things. I know of hope, love, joy, peace, compassion, mercy; I know of all these things and I embody them at times few and far between. And yet I am not them. And when I feel overwhelmed like I do now, I think I discover that the only thing left is to pray.

And God knows all too well I feel discouraged right now. And he knows I’m not what I should be. He sees all my flaws, better than anyone else does. Yeah, scary thought. But what’s truly amazing is that he loves me. And I guess I realize more and more that the core of my hope and belief is love. I mean… I know everyone says this all the time, but isn’t it unfathomable that God loves us? That God loves the world? That God loves… me?

Something Andrew Lazzo said really stuck with me. He said that D.L. Moody once said that he wanted to be known for and by his love for God. But then Andrew said, I want to be known as someone who is known for being loved of God. That really stuck in my heart. Not for me and my love of God, but as an object of God’s great and terrible love. One day I hope people can look at me and see me as the beloved child of God. I hope they can see that I love him back, but I hope that my definition is someday the beloved of God.

Father, may your will be done upon earth as it is in heaven. Watch over your children this night, grant us your rest. As we lie down to sleep, breathe your blessing upon our dreams. Strengthen our hands and our minds, let us partake of the body and blood of our Lord so that we may have life. In this manner give us our daily spiritual bread. Cleanse our hearts and clean our hands so that we might ascend your holy hill. Pour your blessing and bestow your blessed favor to your Church.